The choice was made based on my confidence, and some very strict rules I set for myself.

• I was only allowed to deposit R100 NO MORE.
• If I lost the initial deposit Tough cookie
• I Joined Silver sands as they gave you R880 if you raked 1000 hands.
• I only played small stakes. 25c/50c Blinds

I did pretty well. Moved up to 50c/R1 blinds pretty soon. Won R300 in my first week and kept steady there. I started slowly loosing my bankroll after awhile. Strangely as I was loosing my bankroll I was improving my game skills. But the one thing that kept me from winning was fear.

I still remember playing my first money game and Hyper Ventilating for every bet, every show.

As I got used to that I moved on to Sit n’ Go’s and was that Nerve wrecking. I could barely make a decision. also hyper ventilated and had heart palpitations every time someone bet. Eventually I got used to it and started to build my self confidence and won.

After 2 months I still had my original deposit and I had made my 1000 rakes, so I got my R880. I cashed out R500 and deposited R200 in 3 Piggs poker.

Lost my money on SS. Eventually lost it on 3 Piggs. Deposited another R100 on 3 Piggs and started winning. Built up my bankroll to about R500 and then decided to try out the MTT Devil.

Once again I had the hyper ventilating, the heart palpitations, dry mouth all of it. And I had to re-buy and add on so much I actually used up all my money. Only had R100 left.

I started building up the bankroll to the original amount again but somehow things where never the same. Somehow the R500 point was a mental barrier. Everytime I reached it I started loosing till I had almost nothing left.

Someone told me about CD poker. (story for another post) I joined and as you can see I have been building the bankroll, mostly by playing SnG’s and Omaha cash games ( pot limit)

But I miss the Piggs. I miss winning, I miss playing my SnG’s there. It’s not going well on Piggs and I can’t figure out why. Something is missing. Am I messing up my game by playing Omaha on CDpoker? Or by player inferior players?

AM I just having a bad run? Has Piggs turned against me? I don’t want to have to re stake on Piggs. I really don’t.

Poker is a mind fuck. As soon as you think you can play a decent game it turns around on you. Nothing stays the same. You don’t win for ever and you never know everything. The same decision that paid of today won’t pay of tomorrow. The style that make you win today will make you go broke tomorrow.

I know there are plays that HAVE to pay of in the long term, but how long is that term. How much money do you need to be able to stay in the game and do well. How long till I can actually play without the fear? Does it ever go away? Should it ever go away? Do you need a certain personality to play poker?

Anyone got answers?

Blinds 10/20

Position SB

My Cards

Ac 4s

I raise the SB to 40, opponent calls

Flop

10c 7c 4h

I bet 20, opponent calls

Turn

4c

I bet 120, Opponent calls

River

5c

I bet 240 Opponent Raises to 750, I go all in, Opponent calls

Game Over I win with A high flush.

Gotta Love that

Well surprise surprise, I quite like it. As soon as you get used to the format it’s not too bad. You get 4 hole cards instead of the Texas 2, and only 2 of your hole cards count towards the final 5. But it’s like playing Texas but getting to choose your cards out of 4. To me this is extremely entertaining. Obviously you have to keep in mind that all the other players also get 4 cards to pick from.

I’ve done pretty well by playing it as I would have any hold ‘em game. If there are monsters in there I raise pre-flop etc. Keep your basic rules of position in mind and also remember Not All of the Omaha players play Texas, so some of them will actually stay in to the end with rags. And they do get lucky, like any river rat donk.

I’ve made about $40 in the last 24 hours playing a few low stakes Omaha games and it has increased my self esteem a bit.

On the Texas front I am still battling. Not going quite as bad as during the previous two weeks, but it’s a one step forward one step back situation. I win a nice fat SnG and then loose 2, so don’t end up with that much profit.

I think it’s time to go back to the books. Obviously there’s something inherently missing in my game. I don’t want to get into the psychology of loosing and tilting again. That sucks and when you’re there it takes so much to get out. So what I have to do is keep playing the basics, and put some time aside to study some more.

That’s the main problem though. Time. Get me some more of that sucker and I would be a pro in no time. Anyways. Time to play. Will update again. Still busy moving all my shit from blog spot to here.

Tilted Donkey – Love this site. Isn’t that just a brilliant name. Great step by step beginner lessons and some advanced stuff
Lesson on Odds and Outs

52 Outs - a Pretty Decent Poker forum, new so support them. Check out the reading material for new and advanced players. Very interesting

Ok that’s all I feel like now. Leave me alone I am busy winning back my bankroll. Already at R320

No I am not a happy clapper person. I am just extremely happy that it seems my bad run is over. After my bankroll went down to R60 something It has now gone up to R200 again.

Chump Change you say? Not if you know you can’t afford to refinance your poker addiction.

So slowly I am moving up in the ranks again. What did I do different? I Fucking folded when I had nothing. No betting on draws, No waiting for lady luck to kiss my ass. Just solid betting on what I have, folding everything else. In other words. Un Donk Play

That brings me to my pet peeve. People who swallowed a poker book and still play crap. Had one yesterday. Kept justifying everything he did. Kept throwing out words like under the gun, outs, odds, Over cards. FFS yes we get it you know what a poker term means. Still doesn’t mean you can win.

This was a person who CALLED an all in on a draw, Then after the flop asked How do I fold this?
FFS dude you just gave away your brilliant lack of knowledge.

Hopefully I can stay away from chatty players like that. Why is it that I just can’t get myself to mute the suckers though? I know crap like that will probably make me tilt ( which I am doing less of) But for some reason I hate muting the chat. Think that’s gonna be my next mission. : Learn to mute the donks.

The worst is of course when said annoying asses then get lucky and beat your solid hand. That’s enough to make me scream.

Wish me luck on the cards, Hopefully I am back. Next mission: get over my MTT fear.

That reminds me I need to do a post with some links to my fav poker sites/ terms/ tips etc

I think I need to add that somewhere else too.

To get back to my post. The psychology of loosing, well when you are consistently winning and making a profit you get this great sense of self confidence. No bad beat can get you down cause you know next hand I’ll do better, or next game I’ll do better.

Now imagine consistently Loosing after that. Consistently loosing so that you end up with less than 20% of your original Bank roll.

There goes the self confidence. You start playing either Super tight, not playing good hands aggressively and getting outdrawn, or extremely loose and careless.

I have tried to stop myself going the loose road, but I struggle with playing over tight. Seriously over tight. SO Over tight I did this today:

10 player table, R25 SnG. I’m mid table and get dealt AQ Unsuited I raise about 4x the blind.
Get called by 1 player, get raised by another. A third then re-raises again. Well at this stage I had a med stack and there where still 7 players in. I did not want to be caught short stacked at this point of the game, but I call and decide to see the flop.

Flop something silly like 37A Both other players bet and one goes all in. Now right here I should have called. But obviously I think of my horrible loosing streak at the moment and I fold, thinking mr All In has to have AA or AK

Guess what they both had. A8 and A4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you fucking believe it?

It is only lately after Joining a poker forum that I have actually Learnt to study poker, and to make the right plays.

So in December of 2007 I took the plunge and started playing for money after I promised myself I will never ever gamble again.

Of Course that brings up the question: Is Poker Gambling?

In my opinion, Yes and No. Yes if you play like a stupid ass donkey ( like I did for 3 years) No if you actually learn to play a proper game.

In the end it is a combination of skill and luck, and seeing as money is involved I suppose it’s gambling in a way. But you are making very educated guesses and using proven strategies in order to beat your opponent, who isn’t a computer, but a human player.

So I am doing this blog mostly for myself. I need to keep track of my donk plays and see if I can improve.

2 weeks ago my bankroll was R500 and today it is R120. WHY? Fuck knows. I have been playing properly but somewhere along the line it got too easy and I started being arrogant and greedy.

So I am trying to return to my winning ways. I play mostly R50 Sit ‘n Go Tournaments on 3 Piggs . I hate Cash games and Multi Table Tournaments scare the shit out of me.

So welcome to the ride